Call Me Ana: A Novel Read online

  Nirvana came on, and I found myself smirking while singing “Memoria.” Sam always used to sing “Ana Maria,” with his eyes shut and his head thrown back, belting my name as loudly as he could. The DJ was playing the good stuff tonight. It was late so that was probably why. I turned the music up higher as I walked by the radio, cleaned the chairs, then flipped them upside down and set them on the tables. Then I went to scrub out the sink. It took six chairs for the water to drain.

  New York had never been this predictable. Nothing in my life had been predictable until I’d finally been able to settle down in Rayburne. When I first realized I’d settled into a routine, I liked it. It was safe. Now I found myself thinking more and more about the flashing lights of home and Sam. He always surprised me with something new to learn or do. He knew so many people, too. After watching Sam lose his patience and bitch a few people out, it dawned on me that he was actually a bit of an asshole. But still, people kept coming back to him, and I knew why. Sam was an extremely talented musician. Well, really, it was beyond that. He directed people. He might not have liked a lot of them, but he was good at assessing their strengths and weaknesses, putting them together, and getting something amazing out of it that made everyone alive with excitement at having been a part of it. Whether people wanted to admit it or not, most of the time, Sam was right. Unless he was arguing with me. I smiled at the thought.

  But there had been a bad side to New York. My childhood had been a struggle, and while my time with Sam was better than what preceded it, it was still hard. I worked odd jobs, sometimes with weird people, for nothing. I didn’t sleep much. Every now and then we scored a free meal from friends in the restaurant business. We ate lots of beans and rice, but some nights, we couldn’t even have that. Sam would hold me against him, and I’d feel his arms tighten around me when my stomach growled. I knew it pissed him off when we went hungry, even though we never talked about it. If we couldn’t sleep, we’d play through it. When the stress of life got to me, or I just couldn’t take the empty pain in my stomach, I smoked. I’d started the habit thanks to Sam and after I discovered how pissed it made my mom, I did it more.

  Once I landed in Rayburne, my life turned around. I still ate a lot of beans and rice, but I got money every day. The prices at the grocery store were cheap and stayed the same. My rent was cheap and stayed the same. I knew when I could make a nice meal on my day off, and I knew when I had to squirrel away some extra change. While I’d smoked some in the early days of my Rayburne life, and had become somewhat of a chain smoker when I was seventeen thanks to Chad, I rarely smoked now. Routine had made my life less stressful.

  I scrubbed at the worn metal as memories danced in my head, the suds climbing up my arms. I rinsed it all off, doing a sweep with my eyes to make sure there was no trace of loose food or grime. I put the plug in the drain and started to fill the sink up so I could wash the dishes. It was time for more chairs and I hadn’t even finished “Memoria.” I was going to get out early tonight. I turned around to head out to the front and stopped short when I saw a man step into the diner. The handsome one with the gray eyes from that morning. My heart dipped.

  He looked unsure about whether he should’ve come in or not. I gave him an apologetic smile and went to change the music back. I was happy to see him and I had no idea why, especially because it meant that hot bath was going to have to wait.

  I turned the volume down, changed it back to country.

  “You still open? Because I could—”

  “Still open, come on in.” I waved him in and went over to get him a menu. As I got closer, I could see he was tired, but his eyes were still warm and friendly. “Sit wherever you want.”

  He sat down in the same spot he’d sat in that morning by the window. “Any recommendations?” he asked, as he accepted the menu from me.

  Whatever I’d felt this morning was stronger now that we were alone. I felt strangely nervous.

  “Chicken fried chicken,” I said instantly, knowing we still had fresh chicken in the fridge. Everything else was frozen.

  He handed the menu back to me. “I’ll take that then.”

  “Something to drink?”

  “Coffee.”

  “You’re a brave man.” I gave him a friendly smile. Probably too friendly, I thought. What the heck had gotten into me? Men never had this effect on me.

  “Oh, hey…”

  I spun back around, already halfway across the diner, walking backward. I hoped I was far enough away that he couldn’t see the pinking of my cheeks.

  “I could go for a little Nirvana right now.”

  His words surprised me. “Sure.”

  I turned the channel back to rock before going to the back to turn on the fryer. I started the coffee and grabbed silverware and a mug. I got a glass of water in case he wanted it on my way out to the front.

  He sat looking at something on his phone, but he put it away when I came over. He looked so tired.

  “Long day?”

  He sighed. “Yes.” Then he studied my face a beat too long. “I wouldn’t have expected to find you listening to Nirvana.”

  The corners of my lips tugged up, and some of my nerves faded. “I wasn’t expecting you to find me listening to Nirvana either.”

  He chuckled. His kind eyes put me at ease. I turned around and went to go get him his coffee. I was about to tease him again about his choice of drink when Roy’s Berretta swerved into the parking lot. I could tell by the way he was driving that he was drunk. Before I could stop myself, I cursed under my breath. I’d expected to have a couple more days until I had to deal with his next blow up. Then I thought of this man being here all alone with me and dread filled me. I couldn’t stand the idea of Roy sinking his teeth into this one.

  “Excuse me,” I said, setting down the pot.

  The man wouldn’t look at me.

  Roy’s car swerved and the car jerked to a stop. He stepped out just as I opened the front door.

  “Roy, what the hell are you doing driving like this?” I yelled, embarrassed that Gray Eyes inside could hear me.

  Roy’s fiery eyes only pissed me off more. “Rachel—” he started, his mouth already slurring around my name.

  The car started to roll away, and I took off after it. No way Roy had the coordination to save it. I jumped inside before it could really get going and slammed on the brakes, throwing it in park, my hands a little shaky. I could drive; I’d driven Roy home a number of times, but I wasn’t comfortable doing it because I didn’t have a license. I grabbed the keys from the ignition and shoved them in my apron pocket, then got out and slammed the door. Roy faced me, his body rigid. I crossed my arms over my chest and looked at him. I was so not in the mood for another one of these fights where he tried to get me going.

  Roy grabbed my wrist, squeezing it so hard it hurt and jerked me forward, causing burning anger to roar through me. The man in the diner jumped up from the table, and a shock of fear went through me. If he came out here...

  I ripped back my arm and screamed at Roy, “When are you going to learn I don’t love you like that?”

  His posture went slack, and the anger drained right out of his eyes. Out of the corner of my eye, I saw the man in the diner freeze. He kept watching us though.

  Not wanting to lose the momentum I had going with Roy, I said, “Roy, I’m never going to want you. Not like that. Don’t you get that?”

  His eyes went to the ground as if I’d struck him. He looked like he was going to cry. If it hadn’t been for the stench of alcohol wafting around him, he would’ve looked like a big kid standing there.

  “But I want you so bad,” he said, his voice strained.

  I sighed, feeling horrible that I had to hurt him like this and embarrassed for him that he sounded so pathetic. I pulled him in for a hug. “No, you don’t, Roy. You want someone who can love you back.”

  He wrapped his arms around me, pushing his face against my neck. It made me want to shove him away, but I clamped down
on that wretched feeling that boiled up when people got too close to me. I awkwardly patted his back a couple times.

  “But you love me sometimes,” he said.

  “Not the way you want me to, and you know that. It’s time to stop this, Roy.” I gently pushed him away and took his face in my hands. “You’re like family to me, but I don’t have feelings for you. I just don’t.”

  He looked at me with big droopy eyes. I released him and rubbed my forehead hard with two fingers, feeling a headache coming on.

  “Come on. You can sit in the back while I go call your mom.” I took his hand and led him around to the back door. No way I was taking him in through the front door while he was this drunk. I had just gotten him calmed down and if he saw the handsome stranger, he’d get all riled up again.

  We walked in the back door. “I’ll get you some water. You stay right here and just relax, okay?”

  He slumped over in the chair and leaned his head on the table in front of him.

  So much for getting out early.

  I had to lean out into the front to grab the phone. The man sat by the window again, but his whole back was rigid. I bit my cheek and turned my back to him, dialing Kathy’s number. Should stay out front and let this stranger listen in or risk upsetting Roy and go around on the other side of the wall?

  “Hello?” Kathy’s cigarette-rusted voice answered.

  I cleared my throat and decided to stay put. “Hey, Kathy.” I kept my voice as low as it would go. “Roy’s down here drunk at the diner.”

  She swore a string of curses that would’ve stopped a priest’s heart dead.

  “Someone has to get his car, too.”

  I heard her scream something to Katie, Roy’s sister. “Leaving,” Kathy said. She slammed the phone down and left me with the dial tone.

  By the time I got back to Roy, he was passed out, almost falling out of the chair. I didn’t dare touch him. I hoped and prayed the unnatural angle of the chair would hold him up. I washed my hands, battling a wave of exhaustion. I hoped this time Roy would get the hint. This was the first time he’d listened, and I had been pretty harsh. I just didn’t know if he’d remember it in the morning. Worse still, I didn’t know if his reaction would be explosive or if he would stay away. It could go in either direction.

  I checked on the fryer. The damned thing was still heating up. I fought the urge to throw something at it and got the bread crumbs out of the cupboard. I shook them out into a plate by the fryer and put down two more for the buttermilk and flour. I tried to be as quiet as possible, but I was pretty sure if Roy stayed in his chair, he’d stay passed out.

  I went out front and changed the music back to country, feeling like I couldn’t relax anymore. Kathy and Katie would be here soon, and who knew if Roy would suddenly decide to grace us with his presence. Something like the music being on the wrong station would be enough to make that switch go off in his head, the one that made him homicidal against every other man in the same room with me. I wished the gray-eyed man by the window would’ve picked a different night to come in late.

  “I’m sorry about that,” I said, not looking at his eyes.

  “You didn’t do anything wrong,” he answered.

  I chanced a look at him, but he wasn’t looking back at me. The muscles in his shoulders were tight under his shirt. I liked the way his shirt fell over those broad shoulders of his; if only he wasn’t so tense. In my mind, I rolled my eyes at myself. Despite the horrible day I was having, somehow I was still swooning over some man I didn’t even know. What a day. Maybe I was PMSing.

  I grabbed the coffee pot. “Your food should be up in a minute.”

  He returned my smile stiffly, his eyes cloudy.

  As I turned, Kathy’s car rolled into the parking lot, and I breathed a sigh of relief. I set the coffee pot down and leaned out the door. Kathy and Katie got out. Katie looked rough. She had done a nose dive recently back into her world of drugs. It made my heart hurt and reminded me so much of my mom.

  Katie turned and saw me, giving me a bitter smile. “My brother come calling on you again?”

  I rolled my eyes at her before I could censor it and then looked at Kathy. “He’s in the back.” I took the keys out of my pocket and tossed them to Katie, who caught them out of the air with one hand.

  “You doing okay, Katie?” She didn’t look strung out and she’d caught the keys, so that was good, considering she’d be driving.

  “Never better, sunshine.”

  I gave her another once over, hoping she didn’t notice. She hated it when I got ‘all mother hen on her ass’ as she called it.

  “When am I gonna see your ass at the pool hall?” she called to me as she got in Roy’s car.

  “Not any time soon. I’ve got an order in, so I need to split.” I fought the urge to tell her to call me if she needed anything. I needed distance from all of them right now, and Katie had fallen off the deep end despite my concern.

  Kathy came around the corner, dragging Roy. I let the door shut and locked it before I could get sucked into any more drama, then flipped the sign to closed. The car doors slammed as I walked over and took the coffee pot from where I’d left it. I was almost desperate enough to chug the whole thing myself. I started for the back.

  “Hey,” the man said, his voice soft.

  It stopped me in my tracks, and I turned around. His eyes were kind and warm again, like he could feel all the aches in my muscles. I remembered how tired he looked when he came in. He probably could feel them.

  “Have you eaten yet?” he asked.

  The question sparked a flicker of excitement in me, but I also felt a wave of caution wash over that. Then my rational side came out. I hadn’t eaten since the half sandwich I’d wolfed down at lunch time. “No.”

  He smiled at me then, not like he was hitting on me, or trying to get something from me, but simply connecting over our shared exhaustion. “You want to go get a bite somewhere with real coffee?”

  I thought about all the dishes in the back that I still had to do. I could do them tomorrow morning, I instantly decided. “Okay.” I wondered again what the heck I was doing. This was a dangerous path, but the giddiness won out.

  He smiled again. “Okay.”

  “Let me put this up.” I lifted the coffee pot in the air.

  He went to get his wallet out.

  “Don’t bother,” I stopped him. When it looked like he was going to protest, I added, “The fryer wasn’t even ready yet last time I checked.” I took off the apron, balled it up and tossed it in the back room where Roy had been. Then I grabbed my bag, patched together from different shades of pink and brown fabric, and put it on over my shoulder. My Grandma Ro had made it for me when I was a little girl. At the time she made it, it was almost the same size as me.

  I locked the back door and turned everything off on my way into the front, trying to ignore the dishes that sat judging me. The man smiled when his eyes caught mine. It dawned on me then that I didn’t even know his name.

  “I’m Grant,” he said, as if hearing my thoughts.

  I liked his name. It was strong and straightforward, but friendly. It suited him well. “And you know I’m Rachel,” I said, holding my hand out to him.

  He took it for a brief moment. His hand was big and warm, completely enveloping mine. He opened the door for me. We walked to his truck, and I realized he could drive me to some field, murder me, and no one would ever know. I really didn’t care after a day like today.

  His truck doors magically unlocked before I could put a hand on the handle, and he opened it for me.

  I couldn’t remember the last time someone had opened a car door for me. “Thanks,” I said. I was glad for the dark. I hated how easily I blushed. The truck smelled like new car and aftershave. A good combination.

  Grant slid in next to me, and my heart began to thud. What was this? Just him sitting close did something to me. I didn’t hate it either.

  He started the truck up. “I’m n
ot real familiar with the area yet. Is there some place you know of that’s good?”

  “Most of the places around here are closed. We probably need to head over to Johnson City. It’s about twenty minutes that way.” I pointed down the road. “Is that too far?”

  Grant smiled. “Nope.” He backed up the truck and went in the direction I pointed.

  Feeling more playful than I should in that type of situation, I asked, “So where are you from, Grant?”

  “Texas.”

  I raised an eyebrow at him. “Texas, huh?”

  He caught my expression and grinned, a dimple in his cheek making me melt. “You like Texas?”

  I scrunched my nose at him. “I like the idea of it. I’ve never been.”

  “So what’s your idea of Texas?”

  I shrugged, knowing I had to be honest. “Probably one big stereotype… where men ride horses and the women have big hair. And probably everyone eats steak three times a day.”

  He laughed and the sound warmed every inch of me.

  “You know, you’re not too far off.”

  “Really?” I said, surprised and excited at the same time.

  “I grew up riding. The big hair thing exists in Dallas. As for the steak, I’m sure that reality exists somewhere, although if you changed it to bacon…”